My life is changing

Today, I rocked the workout. I've found a good speed on the treadmill that doesn't hurt my knee and I have been walking on a 12-15 percent incline. Up the hill so good!!!

Today was a great workout, my arms however felt like jello afterward. I am starting to notice that things are getting easier to do and it feels so good. I am really loving boot camp. (Never thought I would say that). Man it is hard work during the workouts, but I have so much energy after.

I know that losing weight is hard and I know how we get down on ourselves for allowing our bodies to get that way. I have experienced a range of emotions and frustrations in the last few weeks. It has been so hard to get through them some days. I also know that if we just stop, look at where we are, and take a step in the right direction, things could really change.

I remember my first really big step. I was frustrated with my life and completely convinced in my mind that I would never be able to achieve my dream of being an officer because of my weight. I expressed my feelings with a teacher after class one night and what he said really hit me. He said "when you are ready, you will do whatever it takes to get into that uniform". I don't know what happened in my brain, but something clicked and I finally had the desire to figure out what I needed to do. I began going to the gym every day, I tried to eat healthy and I worked hard. I rarely saw a difference on the scale and it really bothered me. I knew what I wanted, I just wasn't getting it. That was about to change and I didn't even expect it.

I had recently added a person on Facebook who was a family member I had not seen in nearly 20+ years. As I was talking to him, he mentioned that he had a weightloss company and that he would like to have me come in and try it. I finally gave in and decided to go try it out.

It was a Friday evening and I drove to his gym. I sat in the parking lot for several minutes trying to decide if it was worth the pain I would have to go through. I knew when I walked into that gym that it was going to be hard. I got out of my car and walked in. I was greeted by Instructor Thomas and we began talking. It was hard to hear the truth from him. It hurt, and it made me angry. I got upset with myself mostly and because I let myself get to where I am.

I don't know what I was thinking but I signed up for six weeks of Bootcamp before I left. The desire to achieve my goals was far greater than the pain I was feeling. I look back at it now and I see that my decision was a good one. I've seen some amazing results and I never imagined that it would work. I did not believe it would........until it did.

I have done well. I am still going strong. I have no intentions of stopping any time soon. I am starting to believe in myself and that, my friends, is amazing!!!

So what I am getting at is this. It won't be easy, matter of fact it will suck, but if you want to change and save your life, you can do it. Don't believe that you will always be the way you are, that is simply the negative thoughts winning.

If you need help, Instructr Thomas can help you. Please don't hesitate to do something good for yourself. You won't regret it. I promise.

Www.bootcampwithjess.com

He will change your life. I guarantee it.

A dream of blues

Oh and by the way!!!!

Day 17 Endurance leg day!!

Today was hard!! That's okay though, I expected it to be.

Today I am officially at my lowest weight in nearly 6 years. I have lost 12 pounds since I started boot camp. Instructor Thomas has been so awesome and supportive both at the gym and in other realms of my life. I have felt so much better than I have in a very long time. I know it is a combination between working out and nutrition. I am happy that they are working together.

My knee has hurt, but with the help of instructor Thomas, I was able to improvise, adapt, and overcome. I still got a killer workout.

Love endurance leg day!! (I might be over exaggerating.)

Well, just a small message for my mom who goes later today for her second day of hellweek, GOOD LUCK!! IT'S COMING FOR YOU!!!!

Crappy morning, day 16

So I didn't make it to Bootcamp today. I know, slacker, right?? Not really. I'm not 100% sure what was wrong with me, I say low blood pressure, instructor Thomas insists it was low blood sugar. I still don't now. Anyway, I couldn't wak from my bed to my bathroom, which is ten feet from my bed, without feeling like passing out. The room would spin and I would have to rest between to make it without the room going dark. I am feeling better tonight. 

Instructor thomas gave me a massive guilt trip today and I felt bad for not going. He let me know that i could not miss today and that I needed to get a 40 min. cardio in. I finally had enough energy to get a cardio workout in around 1 today. I got my oldest daughter to do the biggest loser cardio max DVD with me. She was having a hard time keeping up. I was having a hard time doing lunges. My knee is still hurting. I hope I haven't injured it. I don't want to make it worse, but I also don't want to quit. So I am hoping to find a happy medium. (Just a side note, in case you are wondering if I chose to not come today, just because. I f I were going to do that, I would have chosen to do it tomorrow and I think you all know why. Just saying)

My daughter and I talked about how doing cardio every day would help her with her ice skating and that it would help her to stay healthy. We talked about eating healthy and I begged her to do it so she won't end up like her mom. I think it took her by surprise, but she agreed to work on it.

Anyway, in other news, my mom had her first day of hellweek. She survived!! She said she was near to tears a few times, but that she made it. I'm so proud of her for doing this. I know she will feel better. I am excited for Friday too. It makes me happy to have her doing this too.

Alright, I'm going to bed now. Looking forward to getting my butt kicked tomorrow!

Day 15 part two!!!

Well it seems that I am totally capable of two workouts in one day. Fabulous!! Tonight was fun. Hard work, but fun. My mom came for her first experience. She even signed up and will start hell week on Monday!!! I wish her the best of luck. She was pretty shaky and sick after the workout, but I think if she eats more than once a day, she will feel better!

Mom, you did great!! I still kicked your butt though!! ;) Love you and hope you survive your first week and I will be there bright and early on Friday to see you through!!

As for me, I am so glad I made it through the second workout. I have had several friends ask me about Bootcamp that are possibly interested and I hope to be doing two workouts on Friday again!! I am always willing to be there for a friend!!

If you haven't thought about it yet, you should ;) there is a free session to try it out on Fridays at 5:30, and yes that is p.m., so if you are interested let me know and I will give you more details.

Fun day at Bootcamp!

End Week three part one :)

Week 3 is done!!! Well part of it anyway.

It is hard to believe that we are half way through the first six weeks. It has kicked my butt and I love it. Wait, what did I just say?? I Love it!!! I never thought I would say that.

Know what I love about it? It is a darn good workout and there is a lot of support, and I just feel so much better. I am not nearly as tired as I used to be, my stomach aches have gone away, I feel better all around. I like feeling better. I know I am not done yet, and I'm sure as I continue to do this that I will feel even more better.

Today I am going for round two. Excited to get my mom involved. She seems to really want to do this. I heard that she talked to instructor Thomas last night and told him to, and I quote, "Bring it on". Probably not the smartest thing to say to him. He will indeed "Bring it on"!!! So I wish her the best of luck tonight.

I will be there to support her and it will be fun. I will report after the workout, so stay tuned for part two of day 15!! Have a great day!!

Day 14!

Holy cow! Can you all believe that I have been doing this for three weeks, tomorrow?? I know, it's crazy right?? Tomorrow will be fun, I am going to go to the park in the morning. I am enjoying seeing how much more I can do each week. It is amazing how much things change in only a week. I have felt better and I have found that I am getting stronger. My knee still hurts, but my back was better today.

After the park, I'm going to try and get some homework done for school. I have quite a bit of homework to do. Later I will go back to Bootcamp! Yes I am crazy, but my mom is coming and I promised her I would be there for her. It will be fun to be there for support and see how she does.

I am happy with the changes that are happening. I went to a baseball game last night and sat in the stadium seats and for the first time in a very long time, I could sit in them without being in pain the whole time. It used to be that the handles would hurt because I was so big. I still didn't fit perfectly in the seat, but it didn't hurt to sit in them, so I know things are changing.

Thanks to the 0800'ers. They are always so supportive and I love working out with them.

Instructor Thomas says that I am a lot stronger than he expected me to be. I have a hard time believing that, but I am working on it. There are definitely days that I feel so weak and so down, but there are days that I know I did good and pushed my hardest. I find it strange that my mind is changing, but I find that the negative really tries to overtake all of the wonderful positive things that have recently come into my life. The positives have put up a good fight though. They are really beginning to overtake the negative. It is so wonderful.

I had to do push-ups for not looking at him again today, I'm still getting better with that. Maybe, I am doing it on purpose so I have to do more push-ups! ;) Only kidding. Push-ups suck.

A dream of blues

Day 13 Happy Pioneer Day!

Today was tough because my back and knee were killing me. I'm sure I just slept wrong and that is why my back was killing me. My knee is another story, I may need to invest in a support for it.

I am starting to love working out. It helps when you have so many awesome people there to support you. I love the PT's at Bootcamp. They are truly amazing.

Today is Pioneer Day in Utah. Celebrating the settling of our wonderful state. Most people will be celebrating with a barbecue and party. Me, I'm a baseball girl, so I'm going to take my kids to a baseball game tonight. I'm excited, and I really don't care of they are or not.

My arms are killing me. They hate instructor Thomas right now.

Anyway, tough day, tomorrow will be better.

A dream of blues

Day 12! Endurance leg day!

Holy cheese balls!!! Today, I made it through endurance leg day. It was tough, but I made it all the way through.

Hey 0800'ers and instructor Thomas, 

If instructor Thomas says he will throw his boot at you if you don't keep moving, he means it. He threw his boot at me more than once today, but I'm happy to report that I did not have to do any Push-ups today due to not looking him in the eyes when talking to him.

Instructor Thomas and I discussed the reasons behind why I don't look him in the eyes or anyone else really, and he already knew exactly why I don't. I may have teared up a little when he explained to me the reason behind not looking the instructor in the eyes for the first week, aka hellweek. It hit me pretty hard,and I now understand a bit better why they have you do that.

Week three has brought with it more endurance and strength to keep going. I am working harder to accomplish each workout. I have been going early this week and getting on the elliptical and I will do that every day. So not only am I completing the workout, but I am also doing an extra 20 minutes on the elliptical! Take that!!!

I am so sore and tired, but I know that with more time that things will get better. I already feel better because I am not eating junk all of the time. I used to have a nauseous stomach all of the time. It has been nearly three weeks since I felt that way and I love it. Even though I am tired I am able to get through the day without a nap and that is also wonderful. So things are starting to change, I've lost weight, I'm sure I'm losing inches as well and I feel better. So far so good I would say.

A dream of blues

Week 3 is here!

It's not intentional, but I do more push-ups for not looking at Instructor Thomas in the eyes when I'm talking to him than I care to admit. It is clearly my biggest downfall. I know why I do it and I hope that I can eventually learn to do better, but today it was overly frustrating to me. (Tears on the drive home may or may not have happened).  I hate that I do it and I'm positive that he isn't the only one I do it to. So, sorry if I don't look you in the eyes when I talk to you. Please tell me if I don't and don't be surprised if I drop down and start doing push-ups if you do point it out to me.

Today was a great workout. I showed up early and got on the elliptical and will be doing that every day. A few extra burned calories never killed anyone, right?

Tomorrow is leg day. I don't really like leg day, it is probably the most frustrating day of the week for me. I am sure as time goes by that it will get easier. I know I can get through it, I just have to push myself. It will be hard, but nothing worth doing is easy.

I am really glad I don't have to take this journey alone. I am positive I would have quit by now. The support of others has really gotten me through some really hard days. I couldn't have pushed myself through without the awesome PT's in the 8 a.m. Group. They have truly pushed me farther than I ever could have done on my own. Instructor Thomas is great and even though I struggle with looking at him, he has truly helped me to change my life for the better. It will be a long journey, but it will totally be worth it.

A dream of blues

P.s. I got some awesome new shoes and my feet don't hurt today! Yay for new shoes!! Also, if you want to comment click on the arrow next to "comment as" and click on anonymous and you should be able to comment! 

Day 10, end week 2

Today was tough, but it was awesome! I ran more today than I did last time, I made it up the mountain of shame, and I was able to help another pt get through to the end. I had a great time.

Still need to work on looking instructor Thomas in the eye when I'm talking to him. So many push-ups! That will teach me to stick around and visit with him after workouts!!

Week two is over and I've lost 5-6 pounds so far!! It's going we'll, even in the times I hate it most.

A dream of blues

P.s. keep moving forward!!

Happy Birthday, Instructor! and Competition Leg Day

First of all let me wish a

To instructor Thomas!!! He is 54 today and to celebrate we didn't eat any cake, But we did have to do 54 push-ups!

Happy Birthday!! I hope it has been good so far!!

In other news, today was competition leg day at Alpha Co.

We were joined by Charlie co. In a friendly competition. It was hard, but super fun. I am pretty sure my whole body will be screaming at me tomorrow.

What is competition leg day, you ask?

Well I will tell you.

Each company has to do

The first team to complete said tasks wins, and the other team has to do 100 push-ups.

Alpha co. Won!!! We kindly went over and did push-ups with Charlie Co. since we all owed instructor Thomas 54 push-ups for his birthday.

Today was awesome. I'm starting to feel a little stronger and able to do a little bit more than I could. It is hard work and it sucks when you are doing it, but the feeling of accomplishment afterwords is worth it's weight in gold. Way to go team Alpha!!

Here are some of me workin out. Enjoy!!!

A dream of blues

P.s. I am soooo exhausted!!

Day 8

I need to write my blog when the emotions are still fresh, but today I didn't have time. My schedule is super crazy right now. I go to Bootcamp in the morning, then my kids have swim, dance, and ice skating every day of the week, and then I attend school in the evenings for 4 hours. When school starts for the kids next month, I will also be the secretary for the PTA at my kids school. It seems super crazy but my kids are having a super fun summer.

Today was hard, but I was determined to push myself, I pushed pretty hard through the first half, the second half was not so easy. Luckily for me instructor Thomas had my back, along with all the other PT's. they pushed me until I couldn't push anymore, and then they pushed me some more.

I wasn't sure I would make it through the workout today and there were times I wanted to just stop. I didn't though and even with the extra push-ups I had to do, I made it through. 

It felt awesome!!!

The love and support of the PT's and the instructor have been super awesome. During hell week the instructor uses a lot of tough love, telling you that you should feel shame for getting the way you are and teaching you that it is not okay to be unhealthy. Hearing things like that can be intimidating and frustrating when you have low self esteem. I have changed a lot from this experience so far and I'm not done yet. I am learning about nutrition and exercise and I'm learning what it is like to work hard for something. It is not easy, but if you need to lose weight and need to change the way you feel about yourself, this is the place to do it. I have gained a lot in only a week and a half, and I know that I will continue to grow and learn and become a different person.

I plead with you to consider doing this sometime. It doesn't matter if you are skinny or fat, or super healthy, or if You have the best self esteem or the worst. If you have a chance to do it, I would highly reccomend it. I promise it will be worth your time. It will change your life.

Don't wait to change your life. The sooner you get through the pain, the sooner you can feel better about yourself, have more energy, and be able to enjoy your life to the fullest.

Join me!! I would love to see you all succeed in feeling better both in mind and body. I'm here to help you as I am helping myself.

A dream of blues

P.s. isn't it funny how much the emotions change every day?? Yeah, it's worth it every day, its worth it! Trust me, I've already learned so much!!!

Day 7 endurance leg day

Today was endurance leg day. Today sucked. Instructor Thomas insisted I would wish to be back in the 30 pound vest. I still disagree. I'll take the pain and suffering over the 30 pound vest any day.

I started out pretty good. I didn't end the workout as well as I would have hoped. About mid workout my ears were ringing and I couldn't concentrate and it was driving me crazy. I had a tough time today. I just wish I could keep up. I feel like I'm holding people back. I hope one day I will be able to. It sucks that I can't and I hate it.

I can't quit and I know that one day I will look back on this and see how much I have accomplished, but today sucks. Emotionally and physically. The frustration of being fat and out of shape are stewing in my brain and the thought that this wont work, negative things are trying to take over my willingness and I'm fighting them as much as I can.

I left that crap on the mountain. I have to believe this will work. I can not live this way anymore. I have to keep fighting.

Thanks for reading my frustrations. Tomorrow will be a better day. I can do this.

P.s. I really need to look people in the eyes when they are talking! I'm working on it. Oh, and pulling weeds for an hour after Bootcamp is probably a bad idea. Hope I can move tomorrow!!!

Day 6!!!

Woah!!! Last week was an easy peasy workout compared to this week.  However, last week I was wearing a 30 pound vest. That vest really made it hard to breathe, tough to recover, and I hated that stupid thing. I was happier than ever to be able to workout without it. 

The first week consists of tough love and you have to go through a lot to make it to week two. The second week is so different. You can look at the instructor and talk to him. Apparently I need to work on looking at the instructor. I will do better. The positive yelling is so much better. It makes it easier to push yourself.

Today we worked on triceps and chest. So many exercises, but such a good workout. Some were easier than others for me. The rope is mine, I own it. It is probably the one exercise that I can actually get angry with. I like it.

The treadmill was a little difficult at the speed I was at, but I can do hard things. I will get better. If only I can keep my ankle from cramping up, I will be good.

All in all, Today was tough!! A lot harder than last week, but you know what?? It was wonderful. I could breathe, I could push myself harder, and I recovered more quickly.

I have to lose 3 pounds a week or I will have to pay. Eating healthy and pushing myself at bootcamp should do it. I hope it does, because I really don't want to know the price is for not losing 3 pounds.

Thanks for reading!!

Tomorrow is week 2!

I didn't start my blog with my life story, but I feel that I should share at least a little bit.

I was born and raised in southeastern Utah. I had a pretty good childhood. I graduated from high school in '99 and got married in 2001. I married a wonderful man and we have been together for just over 12 years now. We have three beautiful children ages 11 (girl), 9 (boy), And 5 (girl). In 2009, we lost our fourth child in the beginning of the second trimester of pregnancy. The baby wouldn't pass on its own so I was scheduled for surgery. During the surgery I began to bleed. I lost 2 liters of blood before the doctor could figure out what was wrong with me. I lost just over one more liter after he figured it out. My uterus had ruptured. I had an emergency hysterectomy to save my life. 2 blood transfusions that week saved my life. It was the worst pain I had ever experienced. Not many people thought I would make it. My doctor told me later that he didn't think I would. Our church leader after giving me a blessing went home and started planning my funeral. However, I held on and I fought to stay here. I went home a week later.

I don't tell this story to get sympathy, I tell it because I want people to know that I have been given a gift. A second chance to change my life for the better. It has taken me nearly four years to figure it out for myself.

Last week I began my journey to better health. I am finally beginning to understand how unhealthy I really am and how much work it is going to take to get Healthy again. It will not be easy, but as you can see, I am capable of doing hard things.

Walking into boot camp tomorrow is going to feel awesome. I honestly can't wait. I feel like I have accomplished something huge in my life.

I finished Hellweek! That was pretty hard. I know that things aren't going to get easier, but I am going to get stronger. I will fight to the end.

BRING IT ON!!!

I truly appreciate that so many of you are here supporting me in this. It really means so much to me that you care enough to say something to me in passing at church or the store about boot camp. I am very lucky to have such wonderful friends and family. Thank you so much.

Hellweek day 5 graduation!

Well, I did it! I made it through one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. It was a very emotional week and it was hard to fight the negative thoughts, but I did it. Today was the last day in that 30 pound vest and in the rainy weather we reclaimed our lives. We had to march and say cadences, we had to run, we had to climb a hill and do squats and sit-ups and burpees. 

My body is killing me, but I learned some valuable things this week. I learned that it is okay to get angry. I learned that sometimes you need to get angry to get through hard things. I learned that support is important. I learned that even after 20+ years, family is still family. I learned that I can do this. I learned that eating healthy doesn't have to be hard. I learned that an extra 30 pounds is a lot of weight. I learned that it is ok to let things go. I learned that when someone is cheering you on, you work harder to accomplish something.

I left my old self behind when I climbed that mountain (not really a mountain, but it sure felt like one) today. I left behind the negative thoughts and I left behind thoughts of never being able to change. I left behind the thought that I will be this way forever. I left behind the I cants and the quitting. I left behind my old eating habits and exercise habits. I left behind the hate I had for letting myself get this way. I left behind the glares and comments about my weight from others that I have held on to for years.

I also gained things from this week as well!

I gained a boot camp family. I gained friends. I gained confidence in myself. I gained strength. I gained determination. I gained faith. I gained support from friends and family. I gained my life. I gained health. I gained a willingness to keep going. I gained far more than I could have imagined.

I am very glad I did this. It hurts, it is hard, it is emotionally and physically draining, and I am learning and growing. If you don't think you can do this, you are mistaken, because if I can do it, you can.

Thank you all for following along. I will continue to blog about boot camp as I continue on. I hope that you will gain something from my experiences. I hope that you will see the importance of my journey and continue to follow me and cheer me on. I so very much appreciate all the nice uplifting comments both on here and Facebook. They have helped me to push myself and want to do good.

Your friend

A dream of blues!

A 5k......Me????

Yep!!!

I just signed up for a 5k.

I know, surprised me too!

I am very excited.

This is the race.

http://www.colormerad.com/?fb_source=timeline&ref=profile

Check it out.

You should join me.

You know you want to.

Call, text, email, or message me on Facebook, for details!

:)

Hellweek day 4

Battle scars!! Not sure how I got this one!! 

Today was not the hardest physically. It wasn't easy, but my demons came by way of mental and emotional.

The I can't do this demons were strong today. Fighting them was hard. I was upset with myself on top of that for getting to where I am in the first place. The strength to fight the demons was low today, and that Upset me. I had a million different emotions going through my brain and I struggled. I felt like I was trying hard for something that is in achievable. I truthfully felt like this will never work.

Luckily, I had a great group of people cheering me on and I was able to get through it. It meant a lot to me that the other hellweek guy was encouraging me. He made all the difference towards the end of the workout today.

Tomorrow is the last day of hellweek. We have to show up at 6:45 a.m. I am so worried that I will mess up. I was able to answer the questions today, but I don't know how I'll do under more pressure. I just want to get through it and know I never have to wear that 30 pound vest again.

I am determined to keep going and I hope that one day I can see that this is worth it.

My teacher told me this week that I can't quit, or I will have done all of this for nothing. I want to believe it. I'm trying.

Anyway, that is my report for day 4. Thanks for being so supportive.

A dream of blues

Hellweek day 3

So I woke up this morning around 4:30-4:45 and I was in so much pain that I couldn't sleep anymore. I laid in bed and tried to stretch my legs and arms. I was able to fall back asleep for about half an hour before I had to be back up.

I got up and got ready and had my breakfast. Moving was a rough thing at first, but I finally started loosening up and it wasn't as bad. I drove to Boot camp and walked in. Drank some water and waited for boot camp to start.

I wasn't sure what was going to happen, but I woke up with the mindset that I would push myself.

We started out on the treadmill and then we rotated through exercises. It was tough, but I kept pushing.

My arms hurt now, along with my legs and every other part of my body. I may not be able to lift my arms anymore, but no big deal. I don't need to do anything that requires lifting my arms today anyway.

It is probably also good that I no longer have to turn the pages in my school book as I finished that class yesterday and I don't start new classes until Monday.

All in all I was still in tears at the end of my workout. Not sure if it was because of the workout, or the awesome support from the other PT's. I love finishing a workout and having such great support from the others and even the instructor.

I'm a little concerned though. I am starting to like bootcamp. This may be a problem. What happens if I start to love it?

I don't feel as scared as I did at the beginning of the week and I think that is a good thing.

There are only two more days of hellweek and I am going to be so happy when it is through. Things can only go uphill from here, right???

Thanks for being a great support to me. I truly appreciate it.

Hellweek day 2

Woke up this morning and my whole body hurt. Yes even my fingers and toes. My head and my heart started arguing and I wondered if I would be able to do this. Alas, I got up, got dressed, made my yummy screaming eagle egg sandwich and banana, and put my shoes on and walked out the door. I got in my car and turned on the radio. The song that was playing was Hall of Fame by Script. http://youtu.be/mk48xRzuNvA It was just the song I needed to hear to keep me going this morning.

Then I got to the gym. I was ready to go. Only had to do push-ups twice today. Did some interesting cadences on the treadmill. Then I had to do a kettlebell row, leg extensions and squats. It was hard. It hurt. The battle between my head and my heart began again.

My head kept saying "you can quit, it hurts, just give up!" My heart kept saying "don't give up! You got this! It's pain, but it's worth it! You can do this."

It is a constant battle within myself that is going to be a tough one to beat, but I refuse to give up fighting. I know this is what I need and I know I can do this. It's going to be hard, it's already hard. I mean come on, I did freaking squats with a 20 pound ball all the way across alpha/bravo gym and back. It hurt. My back was killing me, but I did it. I may have been near to tears (or actually in tears) by then, but I did it.

I just need to keep listening to my heart and I will make it. Three more days of Hellweek left. I can do this.

My life is changing and it is probably one of the hardest things I have ever tried to do in my life, but I'm going to keep fighting and win this war!

I'm telling you guys, the support you are giving me is helping. I know I wouldn't be doing this without all of you. Thank you for pushing me and encouraging me. I truly appreciate it.

A dream of blues

Hellweek Day 1

I debated on wether I should do a video blog or not. Truth be told, it is just too weird for me to talk to a camera. So I'm going to write instead.

Day 1 (Hellweek)

Woke up this morning, ate my breakfast, got dressed, collected all of my gear and said goodbye to my family. I told them that I may never return and to just bury me in the nearest back yard.

I drove to boot camp and prayed all the way there! That's a long prayer, it takes me 25 minutes to get there. Then I sat in the parking lot and debated on whether I was truly dedicated to doing this. I though for a little bit, then I finally went in. I was still nervous. Instructor Jess asked if I was ready and I answered with a quick NO. Before the workout, other PT's came in and offered their support and it was pretty awesome.

Soon it was time to go. We had to fall in line and stand at attention. We are not allowed to look the instructor in the eye, or say sir. You address him as instructor. I only called him sir once. Push-ups will follow if you do anything wrong. I did a few sets of push-ups for not knowing the answer to some questions I fully should have known. My arms hurt.

Then it was time to put on the 30 pound vest. It was HEAVY! He then put war paint on our faces and yelled at us some more. We had to show him our war face and our war cry, I'm sure he will be posting pictures and videos.

The workout was a lot of walking with a few pull out exercises, and I survived!

The amazing support from all the other PT's is awesome. They yell out your name and tell you that you are doing a good job. Even the instructor can be very supportive when he wants to be.

All in all I would say that it was definitely not as bad as I thought it would be. Day 2will be a different story. Another PT insists that I schedule a massage for Thursday. I feel that it is probably wise to listen. Erica, will you be busy?? ;)

So Day 1 of Hellweek down. Bring on Day 2!!!

OooohRaaaah!!!

If you want to see pictures and videos, like Bootcamp with Jess on Facebook. 

P.s. check out my awesome nails!! Thanks Candace!!! Can you tell I'm exhausted?

Demons and fears

I have decided that if I am going to do this the right way, I will make sure you see all the highs and lows in my journey.

Today has been filled with anxiety and frustration. I have been nervous and scared. My stomach has literally been in knots and I feel like I am jumping into a giant volcano about to erupt.

My heart wants this to work so badly, but my mind and body do not believe this is going to work. I know I shouldn't think about it, but I have worked so hard to convince myself that I am going to be this weight for the rest of my life and I have embraced it for so long that it is hard to believe that I can change.

Tomorrow I will be starting boot camp. It is the beginning of what I hope to be better days in my life. If I can just get past my brain and my body, I am sure that it will work. I am fighting the demons and intend on showing up and working my hardest to win this battle.

The what ifs and the I can'ts are running through my head like wildfire right now and I am not sure how to get past them.

As for boot camp. I will be there in the morning and I will work hard. I hope with time my body and mind will catch up with the desire to succeed in my heart.

Thank you all so much for following along and helping me fight my demons. Your support has been wonderful. Don't give up on me!!

A dream of blues

Wish me luck!!!!

Break down.....but I'm over it now.

Last night I had a bit of a breakdown, but luckily I have some great friends who listen and help me to get through the tough moments in my journey. I was able to get through it and I think that I have a plan to help my kids understand why I need to do this for them. They are such wonderful children and I want to be here for them for a very long time. I have a hard time staying positive, but I'm getting better. I am learning a lot about myself in this process and I am sure I will learn a lot more and have a few more breakdowns before my journey is over.

Today I started my new nutrition plan. It is called the MPRE which stands for Meal Plan Ready To Eat. So far it hasn't been bad. The food tastes good and I really like the snacks. I'm going to do my best to stay true to the plan because I know it will help me to do better. I am excited to change my mind and my body.

I have been so amazed at the amount of support I have and the inspiration that has come from my new journey. I hope you all know how much it means to me that I have your support. I am very excited bout this journey.

I officially start boot camp on Monday the 8th!!

Have a fantastic day!!