Today has been filled with anxiety and frustration. I have been nervous and scared. My stomach has literally been in knots and I feel like I am jumping into a giant volcano about to erupt.
My heart wants this to work so badly, but my mind and body do not believe this is going to work. I know I shouldn't think about it, but I have worked so hard to convince myself that I am going to be this weight for the rest of my life and I have embraced it for so long that it is hard to believe that I can change.
Tomorrow I will be starting boot camp. It is the beginning of what I hope to be better days in my life. If I can just get past my brain and my body, I am sure that it will work. I am fighting the demons and intend on showing up and working my hardest to win this battle.
The what ifs and the I can'ts are running through my head like wildfire right now and I am not sure how to get past them.
As for boot camp. I will be there in the morning and I will work hard. I hope with time my body and mind will catch up with the desire to succeed in my heart.
Thank you all so much for following along and helping me fight my demons. Your support has been wonderful. Don't give up on me!!
A dream of blues
Wish me luck!!!!
I know how you feel! It is so hard to get out of our own way. You can do this, we can do this! I know if you work hard and give it your all things will work out. You have the heart for it and your mind and body will fall into place as you keep going.
ReplyDeleteYou will do awesome! It will be so worth it :) I wish you good luck tomorrow!
ReplyDeleteBeing overweight is such a private and personal struggle. Especially when we try so hard to protect our children from having a bad body image. It's so brave of you to share your struggles with others. My good friend comes from a long line of obesity and had talked herself into believing she'd be big forever. But...then she decided to really fight for it for the first time in her life. Now, two years and 160 pounds later, she wakes up feeling beautiful and proud and strong every day. You can do it!!! You deserve to feel that way. :-)
ReplyDeleteYou can do it. The most difficult and scariest dreams are the most rewarding. You're going to look back and reread this post in a few months from now and think "I'm incredible because I faced my fear - head on - with courage and strength.
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