Today was endurance leg day. Today sucked. Instructor Thomas insisted I would wish to be back in the 30 pound vest. I still disagree. I'll take the pain and suffering over the 30 pound vest any day.
I started out pretty good. I didn't end the workout as well as I would have hoped. About mid workout my ears were ringing and I couldn't concentrate and it was driving me crazy. I had a tough time today. I just wish I could keep up. I feel like I'm holding people back. I hope one day I will be able to. It sucks that I can't and I hate it.
I can't quit and I know that one day I will look back on this and see how much I have accomplished, but today sucks. Emotionally and physically. The frustration of being fat and out of shape are stewing in my brain and the thought that this wont work, negative things are trying to take over my willingness and I'm fighting them as much as I can.
I left that crap on the mountain. I have to believe this will work. I can not live this way anymore. I have to keep fighting.
Thanks for reading my frustrations. Tomorrow will be a better day. I can do this.
P.s. I really need to look people in the eyes when they are talking! I'm working on it. Oh, and pulling weeds for an hour after Bootcamp is probably a bad idea. Hope I can move tomorrow!!!
I know what you mean by not wanting to hold people back. One positive thing is your age and endurance. You have the chance to be fully healthy and a leader. I am inspired by your journey. My injuries prevent me from being "up to speed". But I am going to reach harder for my goal of being a little faster.
ReplyDeleteYou can do it. I know it can be hard.
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